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Break out your magnifying glasses and tiny little brushes, Geekologists, because I’ve got an antique for you.  This cherished relic comes to us from an era of ceaseless warfare, cunning strategy, and brutal rivalry.  It’s hilariously outdated; depending on your age it will trigger either irresistible laughter or needle-sharp nostalgia.  You’ve been warned.

First, some context.  The 90s-tastic game promo du jour, Donkey Kong Country Exposed, dates from the height of the Nintendo-Sega arms race.  At this time Sony was still known mostly for TVs and stereos.  There was no godly future machine on the way; as far as consumers and game fans knew, the Sega Genesis and the Super Nintendo Entertainment System (did you guys pronounce that ’sness’ or ‘ess enn ee ess’?) were locked in an eternal deathmatch.  PC gaming and third-party 32x systems did have small shares of the market, but for the most part, a gamer could refer to a brand name and mean a system as well as a way of life.  “It’s on Sega,” we would say, or “Let’s go play Nintendo.”

It was a landscape divvied up neatly into red and blue zones, and most gamers gravitated naturally toward one side or the other.  Most family-types, old-school gamers and casual players took up the scarlet banner of Nintendo, the tried and true king of in-home video gaming.  Edgier, action-hungry teenagers with attitude dared to side with Sega, the take-no-prisoners newcomer to the scene.  Each side had its proponents, but the war would ultimately be decided by each company’s success in pulling players from the other side.

Donkey Kong Country Exposed strikes me as a distilled expression of Nintendo’s solution to the Sega ascendancy.  It’s a short video originally distributed through a number of channels–I received my copy as a subscription bonus with an issue of Nintendo Power.  In the video, we’re taken by a ridiculous Weird Al-esque host into the secret fortress of Nintendo wisdom, where Donkey Kong Country, the Biggest Game Ever, is slouching toward SNES to be born:

The forced humor is obnoxious but weirdly endearing.  Look how excited the host is to learn that the password to enter ‘The Treehouse’ is ‘Diddy!’  The way in which one of Rare’s writers (is that J.J. Abrams?) explains the game’s simple story–and the way the host reacts–makes it sound like a Homerian epic.  And of course there’s the now-obsolete boasting about DKC’s technical specs:  let’s remember, of course, that this was the Toy Story of the gaming world.  Check out the cheesy green-screen bits, the pervasive Nintendo slogan ‘Play It Loud,’ the uber-exclusive Hot Tips–this promo is clearly showing its age in the most humorous way possible.

But it’s worth as a piece of gaming history far exceeds its comedic value.  I don’t know about you guys but I watched this thing hundreds and hundreds of times.  The only such video I remember being more interested in was the introductory promo VHS for Pokemon.  As I checked it out today I found myself remembering more passages than I dare to admit:  quotes like “after about a thousand Diddys…” came back like eager phantoms to the forefront of my mind.  I remember sending in a little postcard drawing hoping it’d go up on the wall featured here; I tried every Hot Tip they shared and even stayed through the credits (sadly omitted from this Youtube upload) for a sneak peek at a much edgier Rare title, Killer Instinct.  I bought this and every Donkey Kong game right up through DK64.  As a piece of marketing I think this film is a definite success.

Still, I was already a Nintendo diehard.  And it’s clear from the last minute or so that this video was meant to espouse Big Red’s supremacy, especially to Sega’s true believers.  Where is DKC available?  NOT ON SEGA!

We once lived in an age that necessitated this kind of professional ego trip.  Now this overt bashing has been relegated to sly jabs at convention addresses and flame wars carried out by internet fanboys.  What have we gained by our current Sony-Nintendo-Microsoft triumvirate?  What have we lost?  Honestly, I’m not nostalgic for the world of Donkey Kong Country Exposed.  But I am nostalgic for a game company that dares to get this pumped about their newest releases.  The console battles have softened in terms of open conflict–but has the current cold war sapped gamers’ enthusiasm?

Any Sonic and Knuckles vets out there wanna react?  Make a case for your eight-year-old’s self and his/her system of choice?  I’m all ears.

[Via Destructoid]

[Video Source:  Lonewolf0401 on Youtube]

[Image Source:  Gamespot]

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